Stages
Sunset--my favorite time of day. Stories in soft voices, blankets tucked tight and nightlights burning in darkness, I sleep the dreams of the loved. Waking up brings new adventures, endless possibilities, and eventually, loud voices and anger.
Sunset--I hide from everyone, locked in my own world where people leave me alone and I am free to do as I please. Avoiding adults who want me to learn, to change, to become what they can't. I put up walls, barriers to keep everyone out, to become my own person in my own time.
Sunset--I take the journey of marriage, the shedding of one identity for another. I reflect how you feel, become as you desire, and forego my own ambitions. I wake with the certainty of everlasting, of a love so pure it hurts. And it does, eventually.
Sunset--I hide, build new walls, pray these can't be torn down, and immerse myself in the children I bring forth year after year. Unconditional love, something known only to me, something I desire and can find with those babies, unlike with you, although you claim it.
Sunset--my least favorite time of day, the time I need to pretend to love, pretend I have not lost every bit of myself in this perfect marriage. Seeing in the mirror a woman I don't recognize, don't want to know, the bruises stark on pale skin, hidden from eyes that pry.
Sunset--a new beginning that should be dawn but isn't. I escape, flee, fly away where you can't find me. You don't know me anyway and the pictures you show with the dead eyes peering from grayed skin isn't me and no one would recognize that woman.
Sunset--my favorite time of day. Telling stories in a soft voice they've never heard before yet love, tucking them in as I once was, I bask in their love, their need, their hopes and dreams. Alive, awake once again to the person I once was, my identity tied to the woman I've become, I am stronger than you ever imagined. You are a memory, surfacing only when circumstances throw us together, less and less. The mirror reflects a woman who embraces life, loves without question, and has found inner happiness--I know her, I am her.
No comments:
Post a Comment